Adult Summer Camp

12 Aug

Over the course of the summer, I’ve seen lots of parents posting tweets, statuses, and the like about sending their kids off to summer camp. Beside making me feel old, these updates got me thinking. Why the hell did summer camp seem to come to a halt when I turned 13? I know the obvious answer to this. Even with my chubby stature, braces, and transition phase from glasses to contacts, I was clearly too cool for summer camp. I had friends to hang out with, morning volleyball camps to attend, and I certainly wasn’t going to be shipped off to the woods for a week without weekend access to the mall.

Well let me tell you something, thirteen year old Courtney, you are stupid. You are a stupid, stupid girl. After gaining an additional 13 years of wisdom, I would sell my soul to go back to summer camp. In fact, I’m really not sure why adult summer camp isn’t “a thing.”

Let’s all remember the drill. Your parents drive you out to whatever “wilderness” location the camp is in, probably somewhere slightly outside the city, far enough away to still allow tree growth and a natural body of water, but close enough to have a jail or correctional facility nearby, so the counselors can still tell good ghost stories. They drop you off for the first time, and you may be a little concerned. Nothing an ice pop can’t handle. By the second year, you are leaping from the car and joining other campers while your dad carries a suitcase to your designated cabin, returning only to force you into an obligatory half-hug that is just SO embarrassing.

Really only two things have changed: I’d give my parents full-out real hugs (if I wasn’t 1500 miles away), because they deserve them, and I’d be paying for my own summer camp. But otherwise, let’s do this shit. First off, adult summer camp would only garner the cream of the crop. It’d be Funville, USA. Honestly I think there should be an application process. Douches and high maintenance peoples not apply. I’m thinking charging an extra $300 per week would be a fair “open bar clause.”  I can get my money’s worth on that.

Next up, picking activities. I can’t remember how many we got to choose, I just remember I used to choose the gun range, archery, crafts, and swimming. Nothing would change there either.  There’s nothing like spending your day shotgunning beers, shooting guns, and jumping off a platform onto THE BLOB. Do you guys remember the talent shows? I say we freeze them in the 90s. Dance routines to I saw the sign really never get old. And I still believe in the old school dances too. I want a boy to awkwardly ask me to a camp dance and booty dance to tootsie roll. I want to sing songs to the strumming of guitars around a bonfire and jump in the lake under the moonlight. I want to play capture the flag with eyeblack under my eyes and win some stupid trophy. Because camp was fun. Not head to the bar and drink away the woes of work kind of fun, but the kind of fun that it’s hard to remember as an adult. Don’t get me wrong, we’re going to hit the booze at adult summer camp. You bet your ass we will. But we’re gonna go back. Back to the time when icee pops and rice krispies were all we needed, and friendship bracelets flowed freely. When hot dogs and frito pie ruled the world. And when singing songs and making s’mores were the highlight of the day.

Of course it will probably turn into a giant orgy, and we’ll be finding people passed out in the middle of fields, and we’ll probably never be invited back. But hey, we’re adults, and we do what we want. So who’s with me? I call top bunk.

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One Response to “Adult Summer Camp”

  1. Becky Boo September 4, 2012 at 2:46 pm #

    First I have to say, so glad you are back to blogging. I’ve missed your wacky sense of humor. And secondly, I second your suggestion – sounds like a blast!!

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